It can be really devastating for a couple to know that the embryo transfer did not turn out to be positive. It is difficult for them to accept the fact that they are healthy and perfect embryo could not get developed in the perfect uterus of the surrogate. As a matter of fact, this is a very normal thing to happen. We completely understand that the couple goes through shock, disbelief, and grief after the hear such a news.
It is important for the intended couple to understand the fact that things might not go as per plan all the time. There should be room for a human element and everything cannot be put on technology. Well, a failed transfer does not mean that the couple will never achieve pregnancy. They must remain calm, composed and carry a positive attitude.
Depression Communicated to The Surrogate Mother
If you as an intended parent will remain sad and disappointed due to the failed transfer, your surrogate might also feel guilty and down. She might distance herself from you as she is also going through a tough time. Of course, they are professionals but are humans too. They also feel bad about the fact that they have not been able to develop your embryo. hence, you must remain compassionate towards her and console her. Don’t let her think that you are blaming her in any way for the failed transfer. You must understand her emotions and maintain communication with her. If you are distancing yourself from the surrogate since you are not mentally well, that might unintentionally hurt her feelings.
You must remember that surrogate mothers are professionals and they follow every instruction from the doctor. If they get a silence from your side she might take it as an absence of trust in her.
You must understand the fact that a failed transfer is a normal element in this process. You might have learned this fact way before when you were researching on the subject. There can be unexplainable reasons behind such failure. Calm yourself down and prepare yourself for the next trial. You cannot forget the fact that you have come a long way ever since you have decided to bring home your baby through surrogacy. This process demands patience and perseverance.
The Journey from Childless Couple to Unintended Parent
As a childless couple, you have had your part of the struggle. You have walked a long way as you have decided to have a genetically connected baby. The journey of being a childless couple to an intended couple has a lot of struggle in it. You must see yourself as a warrior and not get defeated by any spirit. This journey involves you and the surrogate mother you have chosen. You must take her through along with your journey in similar spirit. This combination is going to lead you toward success. So, you must be careful about your reaction towards the failed embryo transfer as it is going to have severe consequences on the surrogate mother as well.
Learn from The Failure
Do not let depression to accompany you. Take this failure wholeheartedly and gain strength from it. You were aware of this possible failure before the beginning of the trial, weren’t you? So, this phase was pretty known to you. Accepting the feeling that you are going through will help you to make a new beginning. Do not let this small phase to break your confidence or spirit. You must focus on your goal and move towards it.
Yoga and Meditation Classes
Join yoga and meditation classes to balance your mind and body. These sessions will help you to prepare yourself better for your next attempt. It will also help you to stay positive and react better.
Grow Your Bond Stronger as A Couple
Spend time with each other and grow your bond stronger as a couple. You must be with each other all the while till you achieve your goal.
You have taken a major decision of having a baby through surrogacy and should trust your decision until your goal is achieved. We understand the fact that you are going through a severe emotional turmoil inside you. You can take help of the other intended parents who have had similar experiences before. There are groups in fertility clinics where you can interact with people going through similar experiences. This will help you to share your grief with them and learn from their experiences.
If it is being difficult for you to survive this phase, you can take help of the center coordinators. They will introduce you to the professional counselor they have, and you can have sessions with him. This is a very effective way to come out with all the negative thoughts and depressive feelings. You can prepare yourself to be stronger than before and go for your next attempt.